It has been such a long time since I've updated. I don't really use online journals too often, although I once did a long time ago.

I have decided to update again to get things off my chest and out on to some sort of medium, I am hoping it will help me. Recently one of my friends started updating a blog she had with her own personal thoughts and such, which kind of led me back to this.

I am currently closing off my junior year of college (and technically I am a senior if you go by how many credits I have), and moving on to my final year of undergraduate. Next year is going to be lots of fun, because I have to start applying to grad schools and take the GRE exam. Things have changed a lot.

I have not stated before, but I am going for my undergraduate degree in anthropology, but my real focus within this field is archaeology. Last summer I participated in a field school and excavation in the ancient city of Petra, now in modern day Jordan (in the Middle East if you need more direction). It was an amazing time and because of this I am going back in a few weeks to Petra again, but on a different excavation this time around. Going overseas had a profound (and positive) effect on me. I realized then and there that archaeology is definitely the path I want to pursue for my career (and life in general), but because of this that complicates things a bit.

When I got back, my girlfriend (at the time) was very ticked with me because of certain things I did (like smoking and drinking). She even almost threatened to break up with me because of it. To give a little more context: The smoking I did was tobacco from a hookah (also called a water pipe, nargileh, etc.), not cigarettes. But in her mind it was all one and the same.

This change did not go over well with her, and our relationship was a rollercoaster and a downward spiral, until finally last month we called it off. Now most people you would expect to be traumatized by an event such as this, but I honestly wasn't. Especially after nearly four years with this person, it is completely surprising I barely cared at all. I look back at it now a month later and yes it's sad, but I don't feel traumatized.

This person tried to control me, and basically didn't like where I wanted to go with my career (archaeology), although she never would say it outright. She always said I was the controlling one, but she was and is the master of double standards.

This relationship was good years ago. But after Jordan it all went downhill. I finally realized before we broke up that I was not going to let anyone or anything stand in my way of what I want to do with my life and career. I am moving on to bigger and much better things with my life than to deal with a needy person who needs your absolute attention and is jealous of any other woman that so much as talks to you.

I've made so many friends and have found my place at Brockport: the Anthropology department. The department is very small but is full of lively professors who are great scholars and great teachers as well. My fellow students are all smart, nice, genuine people. I know my professors not just as my mentors but also my friends, which my ex never liked (don't know why either).

It is funny that last week while I was working in the library, I checked out a bunch of books for a professor I had my first semester at Brockport (freshman year). I was talking to her about my trip to Jordan and how I am going back, she asked what my name was again. I told her and she remembered me, and then said "Oh don't take this to offense, but you've grown up a lot). It made me reflect back on how much I've changed since then. I think when she was saying that she meant physically (back in freshman year I still had my long hair, didn't have facial hair; now I have short cropped hair and facial hair), but I think part of it was my demeanor as well.

My ex was an ignorant person, who was extremely judgmental and also was extremely apathetic about anything (she particularly didn't like me advocating for properly scholarly work, and didn't like me ranting about idiotic shows like Ancient Aliens, Diggers, American Diggers, etc. that are a bastardization of archaeology and not ethical. She said I cared too much basically). I just couldn't stand to be with a person like that anymore, a person who didn't want to progress past how they were in high school.

Well, I guess there is a reason why her school is called "Medaille High".

Happy 70th birthday to John Lennon. I wish you were still alive to spread your message, you seemed like a very great person and I wish the world had not lost you so soon, you left this world too soon.

If the world could listen to your message at least a little I think we would be able to at least live in a slightly better and more peaceful world.

Well since college has started back up it has been odd. I am at college and so is my girlfriend now so we are trying to manage.

I have always been a very reserved person and to some people probably anti-social, but I am not and anybody knows me knows that. I have always been in a sort of shell and I honestly know now that I really haven't come out of it yet, I pretty much have done the equivalent of just stuck my head out.

This has come to my attention thanks to my girlfriend who yelled at me last night and said that since I didn't talk to her friends at college I was "creepy" which is complete and utter bullshit. How does someone expect someone to talk to people they don't know or socialise like that???? It just made me quite mad that she said that. Her "friends" don't obviously know basic shit about how humans socialise.

I would love to come out of my shell, but how could I do that without losing too much of who I already am? I know I would have to change somewhat but to what extent? I would love to be more social and talk to people and have plenty of friends but I do not think that is like me. Another thing my girlfriend accused me of was me not trying to make friends at college, which is different because I commute; I am not on campus all the time, only for classes and work. I do talk to people at college and I guess I haven't really made friends, at least in the way that we stay in touch. The people I know I talk to every once and a while but not consistently. Only person so far who I talk to consistently is Michele but I've known her since high school so she doesn't count.

I just have a lot of things on my mind and it doesn't have to be said I'm stressed, even if I do not show it to people. I am always just afraid of what people think of me and it would be awesome if you just always knew but it doesn't work that way unfortunately. I will update later.

Well I head back to school on the 30th for classes and I just realised something.

College is really f***ing boring. (Sorry for the expletive)

Honestly I really haven't had any fun at school so far or at least as much as people have said about college. It is all overhyped. High school was the same way, both were supposed to be exciting and fun but they weren't anywhere near as exciting/fun as you expected. It doesn't help that I'm a commuter.

I need to get out of the US for once in my life, South Africa maybe?

Well this semester is almost over...summer's coming and it's nice and warm out :). I have my car finally, it's awesome. I just want to finish all my papers before semester ends and hopefully try and get a job in the meantime.

I'm currently printing out applications and such for my alternate plans in case I need to actually go through with my alternate plans.

I don't know what to say really but hope someone is at least reading this and I'll update some more.

Time to catch up in this journal, seeing as I'd like to get back in to the habit of recording my daily life since I miss greatestjournal still. It's been a while since my last update, and now I'm going to college which is working out well I might say. I'm commuting to The College At Brockport (aka. SUNY Brockport), and have declared my major in Geology and Earth Science (teaching certification), and might major in Anthropology since I'm starting to like it a lot. I've been with my girlfriend Nikol for 1 year and 7 months so far, and going strong. We've had some rough spots but we've gotten through it. Right now I am procrastinating on reading for my classes so I should probably get ahead on that, I probably won't succeed O.o.

-Geoff